1. |
hunny.
01:06
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(prayer)
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2. |
ldgf
04:44
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It is a dark, dark, dark
night to fully dismember.
I’m splintering to pieces,
leaving all my debris to blaze in bright joy.
Keeping secrets jealously,
Singing praise behind my teeth,
I keep your alms with a beggar’s charm.
I’m a pauper to a prince. from the loneliest of men to singing...
Of all these houses that I've resided in;
With the miles of skeletal roads that railed to shadows of who I'd been-
On this hurricane carousel, I might count as something of a rolling stone.
But you're the only home that I've come to know
and If you offer the keys, I will always be with you.
Write me a letter lined with fire-
I'll call it fuel for my mistake.
It's hardly what you scribble down
It's that I'll burn up in your embrace.
I was tossing in the waves of reality.
My head, a battered ship now docked
on your shoulder where it fits perfectly.
I've no more use for roaming,
oh, this wandering to and fro.
You're the only home that I've come to know and If you offer the keys,
I will always be with you.
I wanna come home.
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3. |
Cheshire Cat
05:45
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I've always known. Cut down, digging out through the bone.
Somebody has been hoarding all of the strong.
There's a wish as a reward for every time I was wrong-
but it's the king who comes up short.
...or am I killing a dream just to have one night?
Every dog has his day I'll take mine out of spite.
Guzzle down dirty water. I've got every right.
Conquering love don't take might.
Raise your jawbone high with the millions in the sty, my dirty love.
Delilah, I want you blessed but can't hold my tongue.
Delilah, I just want what's best but keep sighing alone.
Just tell me one thing before you go.
Baby, what's that philistine got that I don't?
I still ask you to keep my secrets knowing you won't.
If I blow it on belief, I won't need anyone.
Can I kiss every tear that you cry?
Raise your millstone high with the millions in the sty.
You shower nostalgia. You're trite, my tired love.
But please don't leave me.
Please don't leave me when you know that I can't go.
I'm too wild.
A growing stillborn child.
Apologize but clutter up my life.
I'm begging, I'm pleading, I'm dying for a life.
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4. |
e m p t y nest
03:52
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Fuckin hell, its happening again.
The monolith of broken arms
is sneaking old tom gin.
Split the lip but only tasted ash.
When the blood is dry enough
I'll shed in time’s martini glass.
Remember bathing babies?
Was marriage room and board?
I cut the cords but karma birthed me
quiet and stillborn.
I wouldn’t get so lonely if you’d-
Hold my son just like he’s mine.
Pretend I’m your dad, pretend that it’s fine.
I’m fine. You're fine.
Death cab drove us up their momma’s hill.
My baby dropped a bomb
and asked what animals I’ve killed.
I shifted gears and held you in my womb.
I laughed it off, but started weeping elephants in the room.
because we reek of cancel culture,
but can’t block what’s been done.
Not for any lack of trying.
Shadows meet the sun-
It’s always dark beneath my shoes
as hold my son just like he’s mine.
Pretend I walked off. Pretend that it’s fine.
Hold me son. I try all the time.
But never could seem to get it quite right.
I’m fine. You’re fine.
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5. |
You look like Elliot.
03:50
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A dirty sieve with a glassy eyed past licks the wound
through the strain of a cigarette smoke bomb brain.
My Sissy’s out back choking Jack Kerouac
in a vision that I couldn’t recall till today.
“He was half past prime, and put his nickel on a dime.”
She bitchcraft firewalked ripping out his pages.
And dreaming naked on the witness stand,
I said, “I’m never gonna imitate a white man's hands.”
In my panoramic esoteric orphan toil,
I started spittin’ up the ethers in suicide joy-
like I was burning up in Cassadagan midnight oil,
like I’m the incarnation blooming out of Delacroix.
“When Conor sang it- man, yeah, I felt
that shit. But why does everybody
gotta sound like Elliot Smith?”
-hits like a lightning strike in the body.
You're like an error started
banging round a trash can.
Five dollar words for cheap booze in the poppies.
I felt terror in the mirror of a white man telling me
to choke it down like a karmic toilet bowl.
9 to 5 and you’re in line to choke it down
till you struggle like you're told.
Coffee black and cigarette,
but the sugars burnt- that was comically foretold.
Money stacks and torture racks,
It’s the way we try to get on up out the cold-
But every stream is bought to keep me poor.
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6. |
Everything Must Go
03:04
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I spent fifty cents in a discount bin
nurturing all the trouble I’m in
and somewhere along the line...
The cost is double every problem solved.
I press repeat but the decades gone
and Morrisey is a lie.
I spent 30 years at a discount rate.
Strangled songs as you abdicate.
It’s lonely at the top.
And, Jesus Christ, for every lie
we packaged in between our thighs,
You think I’d learn how to have a good time.
Please, please, please, give us money.
Please, please, please, gimme honey.
Please, please, fuck off, and bury me with it.
stuttering and stuck-
reveling car crash praise.
You’re only sleeping better when you catch the blame.
It’s always by the blood,
so songs forever bleed.
I kissed a lamb of god
knowing hindsight is a thief.
You suckle every crush
when your pockets fall asleep.
Don’t leave me singing all alone.
Please, please, please, give us money.
Please, please, please, give us honey.
Please, please, please, give us money.
Please.
Oh, please.
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7. |
Cassie, Oh
04:13
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When I haunt you
The walls don’t do no harm.
I’m counting the hairs on your arm
like reasons to hide from your eyes.
Don’t ghost me,
Just put my fears to rest.
Baby, bury me in your chest.
I’m ready for afterlife.
It’s all hounds and jackals
swiping left on poetry.
Churn the words at your feet.
I’ll kiss ‘em all clean
Tryin’ to get it all dirty.
Fumbling out my car.
staggering into the bar,
already drunk off hope I’ve borrowed.
I could play it cool,
I could look the fool,
but I just spell our names
in four word letters.
O, my Cassie, oh.
Our keys are lonely bones.
You make me feel like Halloween’s all year.
the sweetest thing is feeling safe in all my fear.
I've been living like I died too many times.
A different drum calls me out in quarter time.
We all drown in laughter,
even when we’re hungry for some war.
I make a joke that kills the room
only to catch your smile lapping up my shore.
Fumbling out my car
and staggering into the bar,
already drunk off hope I’ve borrowed.
I could play it cool,
I could look the fool,
but I just spell our names
in four word letters.
O, my Cassie, oh.
My keys are lonely bones.
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8. |
Slight of Hands
03:54
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Bruise your crystal ball.
Perform a magic trick.
Tease my grief.
Seven reasons why the crowds we cater to reward a thief.
The pyre burns abusively but longing bleeds in my teeth.
When halloween is over does the costuming repeat?
You swallow swords.
I chase the vodka down.
Break your heart accountably.
The sound is weak.
Our muscles plea.
I need your kiss to scream.
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9. |
25 to Life
06:27
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Peach boy on a desert road,
the vines claw every bruise you’ve ever known.
Ditched by thunderbirds,
and chasing Pecos Bill riding dust devils.
Sleeping below the pews
and waking up to light too bright to use.
I cried because the rapture left me cold.
I had a knife pressed to my chest till mom came home.
Bismarck, sinking ship,
weighted and afloat in prejudice.
Smoke Signal Prairie Niggers fly.
You break my wings but I won’t leave your side.
I only ever cried because you’re white.
I was jealous- beautiful at night.
Simle as a metaphor.
Middle school as race wars.
When Holly left I fell apart.
Evangel temple. Cactus corpse.
Great Falls. god’s whore.
kissing cousins at a dump.
We’re scene kids as freshman
in a holy sophomore slump.
I caught a drum beat as a little girl
now every mirror is some haunted world.
My breath gives beneath these chains but
every cross bears Jesus name.
Get your knees kissed in the tomb
scratching inside momma’s womb.
I’m gonna carry that weight.
(prayer ends)
*the use of the N-word in this song is to accurately portray the abuse my indigenous classmates and I experienced in Bismarck, ND. We were called this while being pushed out, punched out, and left out. I took beatings while being weighted with that ugly phrase. It is an anti-black term that was mutated to become a tool of anti-indigenous abuse. There is a long history of use with it in the Midwest. I suffered it all throughout my time in North Dakota and still occasionally run into elsewhere today. It’s a term that is ugly and shameful, and it is my experience as an indigenous person.
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10. |
munny.
03:06
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{I know my rites, pt. 2}
Pirouette, crumbling light.
Arabesque and languid
in an offering plate.
Greening American blight
carve up the black hills with a motorcade.
It made all the Indians cry,
but we only saw a 70’s commercial break.
I suddenly learned how to lie.
The desert keeps me wound up as a rattlesnake.
“I swear I don’t know them,
let me inside.”
Peter’s weeping bitter by the palisade.
Thomas and Victor fighting for life,
cussing out the Romans near the colonnade.
Jesus Christ, you spent all our savings
polishing your crown.
Like a burning bridge over holy water,
I will lay thee down.
{hidden light under the reservation}
God ain’t green, she’s brown.
You made our mother cry before the great vacation-
all for the m-u-n-n-y.
why.
why.
why.
why.
why.
?
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